Late Night Tackles Trump's Tweets
December 13, 2019

"Last night, I complemented the president, I commended him for not throwing a tantrum after 16-year-old Greta Thunberg was named Person of the Year by Time Magazine," Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday's Kimmel Live. "We all knew he wanted to be Person of the Year, we all knew it bothered him. But he showed uncharacteristic restraint" — until, less than 24 hours later, he mocked Thunberg on Twitter.

It's bad enough that "a sweaty old man" like President Trump told Thunberg to "chill" at the movies, but "the fact that Greta Thunberg is a teenager makes this especially insane," Kimmel said. It was only last Tuesday that "everyone at the White House had a full-blown hissy fit because a witness at Trump's impeachment hearing had the gall to say the word 'Barron' in a completely benign fashion." Melania Trump said nothing this time, but Thunberg turned the tables by incorporating his mockery into her Twitter bio, he noted. "Trump hasn't been roasted that thoroughly since the last time he locked himself in his tanning bed."

Even if teens still "chilled" at movie theaters, Stephen Colbert said at The Late Show, "Thunberg is from Sweden, so a 'good old fashioned movie' there is probably something called The Sawmaker's Widow that's just four hours of Max von Sydow staring at a broken clock. But since Thunberg is Swedish, let me put this in culturally appropriate terms: Mr. President, go Fjuk yourself." (Fjuk is an island in Sweden, he explained, maybe to the CBS censors.)

"Come on, man, the president of the United States is on Twitter, bullying a teenage girl?" Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "Just try to imagine any other president doing something like this." (He tried FDR mocking Shirley Temple.) But Thunberg's clap-back was "phenomenal," he said, "and I'm not surprised: You know, she's 16, so she's used to handling temper tantrums from immature boys."

But Trump's "so cartoonishly villainous," he just "had to pay $2 million because he stole money from his own charity," Noah said, and the rotten apples didn't fall far from the tree. Don Jr., for example, recently killed an endangered sheep in Mongolia. "Who is this guy?" he asked. "He needed to use a laser site at night to take down a sheep? This is an animal so peaceful, literally just thinking about them makes us fall asleep." Watch below. Peter Weber

April 4, 2018

President Trump "has been lashing out at Amazon this week, repeatedly," insisting that the U.S. Postal Service loses money from Amazon even though everyone else says he's wrong, Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday's Kimmel Live. "The reason Trump has it out for Amazon is because the owner, Jeff Bezos, also owns The Washington Post, the newspaper that is constantly digging up stories on him and his people — and also, Trump is jealous because Jeff Bezos is actually a billionaire," he said. But Trump's barbs have taken their toll, sapping Amazon of $60 billion of market valuation this week. Still, "they're smart," Kimmel said. "Just when Donald Trump makes it difficult for them to use the post office, Amazon comes up with something else."

And if "Amazon Cannon" doesn't work out, former U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara offered another suggestion on Tuesday, starting an odd Twitter fight with professional Trump booster Boris Epshteyn.

Which is good advice. Period. Peter Weber

June 8, 2017

Late Night's Seth Meyers compared former FBI Director James Comey's recounted awkward, inappropriate conversations with President Trump to "a terrible Tinder date" and a fictitious Lifetime original movie, Suspicious Attraction. On Wednesday night's Full Frontal, Samantha Bee teased Comey's testimony with news anchors reading his prepared statement over sexy music interspersed with romantic images, in a clip titled "50 Shades of Comey."

Bee then turned to Trump's 140-character reactions to the London Bridge terrorist attack, specifically his odd critiques of London Mayor Sadiq Khan. "What is wrong with you?" Bee asked. "Were you just fulfilling your annual Ramadan tradition of hurling insults at grief-stricken Muslims named Khan?" After Trump's Twitter insults, "I wouldn't be surprised if the U.K. asks to take a break from our 'special relationship' and start seeing other countries," she said, noting pointedly how Britain and other NATO allies treated the U.S. after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

Still, Bee said, Trump's insult-tweeting about terrorism isn't that surprising, given his morning TV habits. "Trump is the only senile old man in the world who's actually correct that the TV is talking to him, and as always, his favorite show has been serving a breakfast of scrambled Islamophobia," she said, imagining the explanation from the Fox & Friends gang: "As you know, if we don't spend half our hour stoking panic, Rupert Murdoch shocks our genitals."

For what it's worth, the White House says Trump's tweets about Khan are just Trump being Trump, Politico says. "One White House aide, without laughing, likened his fight last week with London's mayor the day after a terrorist attack to his long-running feud with Rosie O'Donnell." Bee ended with some constructive criticism, kind of. "You want to keep Americans safe, Mr. President?" she asked. Her solutions, like other parts of the clip, are NSFW. Watch below. Peter Weber

June 6, 2017

The Trump administration has spent months arguing in court and in public that President Trump's ban on travel from six majority-Muslim countries is not a travel ban. On Monday morning, Trump tweeted, in all caps, that it is definitely a travel ban. "It's like the last five minutes of Law & Order: SVU, where the murderer tells Mariska Hargitay everything: 'It was a travel ban all along,'" Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday's Kimmel Live. "When you think about this on a human level, this has to be maddening for White House Stress Secretary Sean Spicer. This is a guy, he specifically went out in front of the press and insisted that this was not a travel ban." He showed the clip. "I can only imagine how Sean Spicer reacted when he read that tweet from his boss this morning," Kimmel added, and to save you the trouble of using your own imagination, he showed a dramatic re-enactment. Watch below. Peter Weber

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