"There is a battle for America's behinds," said David A. Fahrenthold in The Washington Post. Environmental groups say plush toilet paper is "a menace" and a "dark-comedy" example of American excess. The reason? "Plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old," so we should follow Europe's example and wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods.

In a world where many people wipe with "leaves or scrap paper," said Bruce Watson in Daily Finance, the "American obsession" with quilted, super-soft toilet paper "may be the pinnacle of consumer silliness." It's made in "long, chemical-laden processes," plus it's expensive. But Consumer Reports found that people often have to use more of rougher recycled and one-ply brands—so the environmental impact really isn't that great.

"First they came for your car," said Conn Carroll in The Heritage Foundation's The Foundry blog. "Then for your cheeseburger. Now those crazy environmentalists want to control how you wipe." So stock up on the soft stuff, America.